Rethinking My Time

Throughout my working life, I was career-centered and goal-oriented: another degree to earn, position to seek, skill to develop. I assumed I would teach happily and effectively until I died, my hand clutching my red pen and my head pillowed by a pile of brilliant student essays; they’d then hang a plaque by my classroom: “Mrs. Bohart taught here; so use your quiet voice and spit out your gum.”

But when I was sixty-four, driving to work on a Monday, I realized my enthusiasm for my job had waned; I was weary; there were other things I wanted to do. So I made a decision that was sure and true: It was time for me to retire. Within two months, I did so.

At first, I napped, ate bonbons and dithered. But eventually, I climbed out of my recliner and discovered my happiness didn’t end when I walked away from the fulfilling career I enjoyed for forty-three years.

Then last November, as I celebrated my seventy-fifth birthday, my thoughts led me to another sure truth: My many years limit my future and make the end of my life foreseeable. So my youthful inability to imagine my death has become a wish for as many healthy years as I can get. Accepting the truth of those words liberated me; I began to appreciate more deeply, worry less often, express my love and gratitude more freely and eat more dessert.

I find I now want to spend my time pursuing and enjoying the small, happy moments of daily life: the laughter of teasing grandchildren, the voices of my siblings on the phone, the smiles on the faces of friends when we meet, a baby’s chortles when I pretend-gobble its fingers.

I hope for time to listen to my loved ones tell me their worries, joys and sorrows and have more quiet conversations with my husband as we sit in our yard talking lazily about our day, the personalities of our trees and the bustle of bypassing birds. I want to take more hikes through the yellow confetti of fall in Colorado and more walks through winter’s snowflakes swirling in dance.

I haven’t offered enough help, read enough books, planted enough flowers or done enough singing with tunes from the sixties on the radio. There are jokes I haven’t heard, salmon recipes I haven’t tried and apologies I haven’t made.

I’d like to take time to linger with others I enjoy after dinner, at the party, along the trail, before a sunset, over a cup of coffee or on a deck beneath a sky lit by stars. And feel no need to hurry.

Thus, my much-pondered and difficult decision to stop blogging. I’ve loved every minute and part of creating and writing a blog — especially the friends I’ve made, the posts they’ve written and the comments they’ve made. But I need more time.

I think my great-aunt Beulah would hug me close and agree with my thinking.

Thank you, dear readers, for following my blog and sharing your lives with me. I’ll visit your sites from time to time and carry you and your words with me as I slow my pace in order to become fully aware of the small things that matter.

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118 thoughts on “Rethinking My Time

    • I will enjoy it, Nanette, just as I enjoyed teaching you all those years ago and re-connecting with you more recently. I’ll still stop by now and then to look at your beautiful works of art.

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  1. I always looked forward to reading your posts and I’m selfishly sorry. (I did buy your book, so I have that to read…) But I totally get it. My time has not been my own this summer (totally my doing) and I hate that I’m missing a summer. I might only have a few left! 🙂
    So, yes — listen to the birds and watch the stars and make those apologies (invite them over for a salmon dinner…) Blessings to you.

    Liked by 5 people

    • What a wonderful comment filled with understanding and good advice: I may have to try your salmon dinner idea! It was when I realized, like you, I was losing my summer, that I seriously began to rethink how I spend my time. Let’s both enjoy the few we have left. And thank you for buying my book.

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  2. Dear Janet, I have loved reading your blog posts and deeply appreciated your friendly support. It is perfectly in character that you would now withdraw from blogging, and that you explain so clearly your reasons for doing so. I understand why blogging might become redundant as you swing into this next phase, which is sure to enrich your life. Thank you for everything. I know you will flourish, for you live generously and mindfully. Go well!

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    • Getting to know you has been delightful,, Rachel. Your writings and undertakings have interested me, amused me, inspired me. Thank you for your kind words of support and understanding as I start redefining myself a bit.

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  3. Oh, I am so sad to read that you are retiring your blog, Janet. I’ve enjoy your wonderful messages about life and aging that are so well written. They have encouraged me. I completely understand your decision to go on to the next stage in your life. I wish you a great deal of joy and love. Laurel

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    • Thank you, Laurel. It’s interesting that we have encouraged one another with our blogs. I think you are a brave spirit, and, in your wonderful words, I wish you joy and love as well.

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  4. I was so inspired by your writing, and I will miss it so much! But I’ll put my selfishness aside, Janet, and wish you the best in your ‘new’ retirement. If you should ever miss writing, I’m sure many of us will be delighted to have you do a guest spot. But for now, think only about the peace and joy the next day will bring.

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    • Oh, Diane, i can’t imagine a writer like you being inspired by mine. I admire the intuitive way you choose, research and skillfully write timely topics for your readers. I’ve learned from you. I also like the idea of doing a guest spot when I have an idea that demands to be written about; I like the world of blogging and that would be a way of keeping in touch.

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  5. I discovered your blog only recently and loved every post. I’m also in my 7th decade and can quite understand your motivation. Wishing you many happy days ahead filled with happiness and enjoyment.

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    • I remember when you found my blog and became a faithful follower, Alison. Thank you for both. The 7th decade is a wonderful place to be, is’t it, though it does cause some serious reflecting and rethinking.

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    • If asked, I would have guessed you share my feelings, Maizie. I liked knowing you would read my posts. Sometimes I would think while writing, “I bet Maizie will like this one.” Please keep posting yourself, I would like to drop in and keep in touch that way.

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  6. I have enjoyed your posts and am sorry you are going to stop blogging. At the same time I understand why you are going to stop. Periodically I find I am very busy with other matters and people in my life. It would not take much more to eat up my own writing time, only one more family upheaval. so all the best and enjoy what is left to you.

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  7. I will miss your thoughtful writings but understand completely. As we age time is the most valuable commodity we have, I cherish it daily and will not spend it lightly. Stay in touch.

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    • Thanks for understanding, Wayne. I love your thought about time, “…I cherish it daily and will not spend it lightly.” It skillfully captures the message I hoped to send with this post. Thank you for being a thoughtful reader for so long.

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  8. 😮 my first thought was of myself, oh no I’ll miss her posts that I look for twice a month. The second was “well done for listening to that still small voice”. I did well miss you Janet, and wonder how you are doing but I understand your reasons and applaud you. Be happy, be healthy, be wonderful and most of all be fabulous 🎆🎉

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  9. I read this and could not respond-waited hours and read it again Am finally responding. God bless you my dear friend. Live that beautiful life to the fullest!. Gosh, I will miss you tenderly. I do not want to lose touch, for you have been like an angel to me-prodding me along in total sweetness. It has meant everything. I feel very selfish to want you to stay, but really I want you to have the life you love and feel led to walk. please visit when you can. love Michele

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  10. I was reading along, completely relating to everything you had written, and then I came to the second last paragraph and BAM. I’m so sad that I won’t be reading your wonderful posts any more. I will truly miss you and your words of wisdom.
    I understand, though, that well crafted, thoughtful posts like yours take a lot of time and energy.
    Thank you for saying good-bye and not just disappearing, leaving your readers to wonder what happened.
    (I always hoped that the Vietnam post was forthcoming…)
    Thanks for all the lovely thoughts you have shared over the years.

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    • When I was talking about my decision to quit blogging with my husband recently, the Vietnam post I had promised you and have never written popped into my head. Perhaps one day I’ll visit your blog and surprise you with it. You have been a long and faithful reader, Shelley, and I have always appreciated it. Thank you for your kind words.

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  11. Well…silly me. For some reason I thought you were younger and now I find we are close in age and have so many of the same feelings. This land of the internet is so very time consuming,by our own accord sure, but even though I have only recently “found” you I will miss you. Prayers for you as you carry on .

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  12. Janet, I realize it would be selfish to ask you to reconsider. I have enjoyed reading your posts, ever since I stumbled onto the first one. I hope I’ll be able to reach back and read some of the older posts that I missed. I will miss your stories, your positive outlook, your subtle humor and your wisdom.

    Knowing when it’s time to change is an important quality. Yours seems to be a wise decision. I am approaching 64, and having worked “professionally” for 41 years and I am looking forward to retiring next year.

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    • Mmmm, Dan, I buy it all except possibly the wisdom part. I still feel like I bash about, bungling things, and trying to recover. I know you have enjoyed my writing; your comments have always told me so. I plan to stay in touch with you through your blog and hope to read in it how you adjust to your retirement next year. Congratulations!

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  13. My Janet…Dear Aunt Beulah, how I will miss you so. Your blog has been a beacon in the darkness. You’ve made me laugh, giggle, smirk, cry, and reminisce over the Past, Present, and What Is To Come. Don’t ever lose your effervescent spirit that transcends through the blogosphere like a vivacious flute of bubbly champagne. Blessings and Godspeed. 🌟✨💫

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  14. I really enjoyed this until the last bit. I know I’m supposed to be encouraging, but nooooo!!! This is very sad for me. I’ve enjoyed your posts so very much. 😦 I guess I’ll just have to start from the beginning and start reading all the ones I’ve missed. You certainly are encouraging for how to spend ones later years. I love your attitude. I hope to have it too. But garsh, you’ll be missed.

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    • I will miss you too, and when I do, I’ll drop by and to see what my favorite parent and her family are up to now. You’ve inspired me with the many things you accomplish and the way you and your husband love and nurture your children.

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  15. I hope we stay in contact. I’ve backed off from blogging, too. I’m not sure I’ve completely stopped, but it seems likely. Those two hours in the morning are better applied to a novel I might be writing. We need to meet halfway between Craig and Monte Vista and have a coffee. ❤

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  16. Dear Janet, I will miss your blogs but hope to continue enjoying your occasional articles in the Denver Post! Thank you for all your wise words!

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    • Thank you for commenting, Marilyn. You have always supported my writing, and I have always appreciated it. Though I would never apply the word wise to myself, I like it when other people do!

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  17. Hi Janet,

    I absolutely love this latest blog. May I quote some of it for our monthly “A Little Help” newsletter that goes out to our members and volunteers?

    Take care, Marilyn

    >

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  18. I’m happy to read that you’ve taken the decision the make the most out of your life but it’s also sad to read that you won’t be blogging anymore 😦 I really enjoyed your posts and they helped to give me so much perspective. That being said, I hope you enjoy every day to the fullest!

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  19. Now that I’m over the trauma of not getting to hear your voice on the page, I’ll tell you that as always, I appreciate, respect, and admire you and the choices you’ve made over time. You were always my stalwart ally and advocate, believing in me when no one else did, and I think we helped each other through some tricky years… Though we haven’t breathed the same air in way too many years, my feelings are undiminished, and I am grateful that you’ve continued to share your thoughts with all of us. I will miss your voice of reason and reflection doused in humor and humility – and above all else, affection for your friends and family and appreciation for all the moments of your life. Keep making memories and come visit California. 🙂

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    • What a lovely, lovely comment, Carolyn. I think it’s even better than the essay you wrote to accompany your application to Stanford, the one we pored over until we thought every word was perfect! It was easy to be your ally and advocate, and, in turn, later in my life, accept your support and strength. I don’t know if California is in the works, but you will always be in my heart.

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  20. As a wise old pioneer once wrote “My hart is broke, but I’ve had hart brakes before”. Here I sit bawling, wishing you only the best for many more fine years. Your humor, wit and support have meant the whirled to me.” He was an odd young man who disliked beets, who did not believe in goodbyes,only farewell, dear Janet, farewell from Godfrey. (Alice says hello, and “Feh”.

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    • How wonderful to hear from you, Alice and Godfrey: the three I most hoped would contact me with well wishes. As for you, dear friend, you will not miss me because we will stay in touch through Godfrey and his adventures. Did you receive the email I sent ahead of time so you wouldn’t be surprised by my swan song, a phrase my father was partial to when describing the demise of most anything? If not, let me know and I’ll resend it or include it in another comment here. I’ll visit Godfrey to catch up with his wanderings very soon.

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  21. Janet, all these words ring true with me. I tend to be obsessed with time, and with just how little of it we all have. I really applaud your decision to slow down, appreciate the things that matter and… to eat more dessert!
    That being said, I will miss your blog. In addition to your witty, intriguing and thoughtful reflections on life your blog has been an excellent tutorial on “how to write”.
    Best wishes to you and Joel in all your future endeavors.

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    • I’m hoping, Rita, that you will continue to accompany Tim to Craig on occasion so we can get together, catch up, talk about writing. In fact, I’m counting on it. I’ve always enjoyed the careful attention you pay to the way I write as well as the thoughts I string together. And thank you for understanding my feeling that time now is limited, a dwindling and wonderful commodity not to be used carelessly.

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  22. Alas, Janet, I came far too late to your blog and am sorry to see you go but will enjoy reading back through your archives. My short acquaintance with your blog has been an inspiration. Best of luck as you fully enjoy the days ahead!

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    • Thank you for finding my blog, enjoying it, and taking the time to tell me so. As I said above, I enjoyed creating it, writing it and building friendships through it. I haven’t regretted one minute of being a blogger; and I hope you are finding joy in it as well.

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    • I will think of you often as I look at the mountains that surround my home, hike in them, watch storms roll across them, welcome the patches of yellow aspen that appear on them in the fall, and scan for their first dusting of snow. Be happy and healthy, my friend.

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  23. Oh, I shall miss your blogs, even though I only found you a short time ago. I understand your wanting to spend your time enjoying the little things in life. Life is too short, and we just never know how short it will be. I have worked at my job for the past 39 years. My boss is only 5 years older than I am and had begun to plan for his retirement in the year 2020. He could have retired earlier, but kept working. Unfortunately, his plans were greatly altered in October of 2017. A mass was found in his brain that was determined to be an aggressive form of cancer. The worst kind. He has fought a hard battle, and I’m afraid the end is near. We were told yesterday there were days, or maybe only hours left. I have spent many hours with his wife at his side over the past couple of days. We talked about the things they had planned to do once retirement was here. And now, none of that will happen. The vacations that had been put off, the things to see. The time to relax and enjoy those little things. Spending time with their grandchild. And now, there is no time. I have changed my retirement plans now. I’m going to do the things I want to do, see the places I want to see. I’m not going to let work stress me anymore. I’ll help train the next person to do what I do, but then I am going to pass that baton and enjoy every second of the time the dear Lord allows me to have. I’m going to stop and smell those roses! I hope you enjoy every second you are allowed, doing, seeing, and enjoying what makes you happy. 🙂

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  24. I am moved to tears as I read this, Janet. I hear you & I fully understand where you are coming from. I was just telling my Loving Husband last week how I often times struggle to keep with with the correspondence on the blogsite, as much as I cherish the friendships cultivated.

    My tears are also selfish, because I will miss your wisdom, laughter & insights which I have enjoyed & embraced thoroughly; your understanding, compassion & support have been invaluable in my own writing & growing.

    Sending you hugs as you enjoy each moment of every day. May you be blessed as richly as you bless those in your life.

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    • Your last sentence in beautiful, Ju-Lyn, and your second paragraph heartfelt, both typical of the way you write, think, and approach life. We will continue to be friends through your blog. I’ll see you there soon.

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  25. Dearest Aunt Beulah,
    I write this as if I am writing a snail mail letter, which I will send to you through the post.

    I’ve been missing a little bit from Blogland recently, (being poorly stinks) but I’m trying to make my way around blog posts which I’ve missed . . . and today I came to your blog to find this post.

    Please forgive me for feeling terribly selfish, but …. I’m going to miss you dreadfully. I followed your blog for a long time before I ever commented, for, although I know I come across as full of fun bubbles and confident, in reality I’m quite quiet and very shy.
    I’m the person who you’ll find in the kitchen at parties, where I’ll be busy washing up and putting things away for the party giver. I prefer to be the wall flower rather than the blossoming rose.

    But … reading your blog posts have taught me so much – about life, love and the spirit of generosity. You are wise, kind and sharing, and I love that you are. In fact, I wish the planet was people with more folks like you. The place would be a better garden to live in if it were.

    In todays crime waved times, finding a little oasis, like you and your blog, is something we all hang onto. Sadly, at some point, we all have to let go and learn to fly ourselves.

    I’m going to miss having you here and reading your wiseness. But I fully understand why you have to go. And … you’re right. You need to be doing things which bring you what you need and fulfil you in the ways you require. Taking time to do the things you’ve missed doing and the people you never seem to have enough time in a day to visit, or call … well that’s our enrichment.

    I shall miss you Aunt Beaulah. Bigly.
    But I’ll still have your blog to dip into, and will still get your wonderful words from days gone by which I’ve missed, or from times before I came to blogland.

    You will live on forever, via your blog. New people will find you and become as ‘addicted’ to you as I am.

    I send you my love, and pray for your complete happiness and contentment.I have this ‘thing’ about contentment, and came to the realisation some years ago, that if you could find your contentment, everything else would simply drop into place. So most of all I wish you contentment. Where ever however, with who ever you find it. May contentment lay across your world like a soft, lightweight, comforting blanket.

    And may your beautiful spirit, go on for ever.
    Love you ~ Cobs. xxx

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    • Ah, Cobs, our spirits and hearts do speak to one another, and will continue to do so through my visits to your blog. One of the small pleasures I plan to give my elf is continuing to be part of the lives of those I’ve learned to love in blogland by continuing to read and respond to their words. I couldn’t do without your generous spirt, clever creations, bounteous love for life, and ability to make me laugh. Should we ever meet, you would discover that I, too, am a shy, reserved person. We would both hang out in those kitchens and be delighted to do so because, being together, we’d not be so quiet. Thank you for wishing me contentment. What better wish could there be; and I have felt mine grow each day since I made my decision to cut back on things that were diverting me from the contentment that should flow through each day. Watch for me in the emporium. With much love and gratitude for knowing you, Janet.

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    • Thank you for finding my blog and your interest in reading past posts. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed writing them and that your life is filled with sunshine — but not too much! — and smiles.

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  26. Dear Janet, I’m so glad I saw your final post so that I can tell you how much I’ve treasured your written thoughts and feelings. Thank you for sharing so much of your life. I send you blessings and love for the next stage of your journey and I do understand how blogging can be very time consuming, eating up precious time.It’s strange, the older I get the quicker time flies. Maybe it’s because I’m slower doing things but the weeks seem to disappear faster than ever. May you retain good health to enjoy all of those simple pleasures you mention and more. Much love, Barbara

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    • Ah, Barbara, you sent me the best wish possible with your words “May you retain good health to enjoy all of those simple pleasures you mention…” That is the secret for sure, and I find it take more time to do everything necessary to keep my body well. Speaking of time, I agree the weeks and even months have started to zip by compared to the stately pace they maintained when we were younger. Also like you, I wonder if it is because I’ve slowed down and don’t accomplish things as quickly as I did; but even when I don’t attempt to accomplish anything but dilly-dally through a day, time flies. I’m so glad you have followed my blog through the years. I’ve looked forward to your comments and feel we’ve become friends. Be well, Barbara. Love, Janet

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  27. Sigh, and another sigh. Janet, others are best expressing my own thoughts and feelings with their heartfelt words. These are your blogging friends and I realize through Aunt Beulah I’ve come to know them too. I frequently follow their blogs, without commenting…they’re wonderful people. I love knowing they are out in the world sharing their wisdom and kindness….the same as you have over the past years. You will be so terribly missed.
    I’m encouraged to read that you might make an occasional return.
    Forever the teacher, your last post teaches us all the importance of re-evaluating our lives and spending our precious time in new, meaningful ways. Thank you, Aunt Beulah.

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    • I’m glad you’ve become acquainted with and grown fond of some of my blog friends, Mary. I agree they are wonderful people. I’ve learned from and found enjoyment in what they write. Thank you for saying I will be missed. I hope that other bloggers think of me fondly or appreciatively from time to time, as I will of them. I always thought teachers should share a bit of themselves with their students, so I liked reading your idea that others have learned from the experiences and thoughts I’ve shared. Thinking so makes me happy. Thank you, Mercy, for being an early and stalwart follower of Aunt Beulah. I’ve always appreciated it.

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  28. Thank you so much for sharing your life and your wisdom – and your excellent writing. I have enjoyed learning about your childhood and hope you have learned a little bit about life on the other side of the world from my comments. I have shared your blog with my chronically ill cousin, my (former) writing group and friends and family. I wish you health and happiness in the years ahead.

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  29. To slow your pace “to become fully aware of the small things that matter.”
    This is so well said, Janet. It is exactly how I feel. My husband is eight months younger than I am. I’ll be 85 by next year in September. One of our grandsons wants to marry his Nina next year in October. They want us to be at their wedding. So we both have to try to stay alive till then! 🙂 Yes, this another wedding to be looking forward to and maybe eventually the joy of another great-grandchild! 🙂
    We saw the movie Our Souls at Night. Do you know it? It is set in Colorado, isn’t it?

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    • I knew you would understand, Uta. You made me smile with you determination to stay alive until your nephew’s wedding It is nice to have something to look forward too, which is hy I don’t like surprise parties: there’s no time to anticipate them! Yes, Our Souls at Night is set in Colorado where the book’s author lived and wrote. If you haven’t read any of Kent Haruf’s other novels, all set in Colorado, I think you would love them. Plainsong is my favorite.

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      • One of our grandsons, Troy, is getting married, Janet. He is the nephew of our daughter Caroline and of our son Martin. Caroline is only seven months older than Troy! She got married last February.
        I am very interested to read Kent Haruf’s novels. I hope I’ll be able to do it because my eyesight is at the moment not very good. Thank you so much for your reply, dear Janet. Keep doing the things you love doing! Hugs, Uta.

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  30. I came over to check in and I find this. Time to move on. I get it. Here’s the deal, I will keep an eye out for the next book. If you ever feel like doing a quest shot (Movie/Song/Album/Artist) over at my place, I’d be into that. I’m a little light on the Romantic Comedies and Musicals. Later Beulah. Take care. CB

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  31. I hope you will see my comment, Janet. I will miss you (but have your book which I can read whenever I want a ‘fix’ of your humour, nostalgia and humanity). You mentioned some time ago – possibly in a comment in another blog of mine – about slowing down or stopping writing in your blog, so this isn’t a surprise to me, but I had wondered when you’d make the actual decision. Hugs and best of luck to you for the rest of your future.

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    • There is nothing kinder you could say to me than that you have my book to read whenever you want to remember my writing. That’s such a lovely compliment. I made the actual decision shortly before I wrote and published this post, when I was sitting on our patio conversing and sipping wine with my husband on a balmy late afternoon, thinking, “I really should be on my computer working my upcoming post and making comments on the blogs of others. I don’t have time for this!” When I realized what I was thinking, I made the decision I had been considering. Thank you for your best wishes and hugs back to you.

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  32. I haven’t known what to say–and you know me, I’m all about words:). I know we’ve never met, but I will miss you more than I can express. I’ve counted on your words here. And will miss them–and you–dearly. I wish you many moments of joy, doing what stirs your soul in the very best way. XXOO

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    • Oh, Kay, this comment touched my heart. I will miss your comments on my words more than I have ever expressed to you, but, after I take a bit of a break, I plan to return to your blog to enjoy your words and continue our conversations. Thank you for you lovely wish and for understanding my desire to “stir my soul” in the ways most important to me.

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  33. I am sighing deep, just reading this now. I have been away too long from the blogging world I guess. I am sorry, so sorry to hear these are your final words on this blog. What can I say, your words make me laugh, make me remember the lovely quirky odd beautiful moments of family and growing up. Your story telling brings me to your kitchen table where I smell warm banana bread and coffee brewing, I feel a worn cloth napkin on my lap and just the right amount of light coming in from the window (even though I’ve never actually been in your kitchen). I have been meaning to write you via e.mail; now it is most certain that I will.
    You’ve championed my writing in ways I will never forget. And, I love every word even the ones that are hard to read in this post. Noticing the need to be present with those you love (including your favorite trees) is the most fulfilling experience! I get it, I understand it and I will miss reading your words. I have no doubt the time spent enjoying what feels most important will create memories that will last well beyond your own lifetime. Enjoy, much love and continued curiosity and happiness to you, dear Janet.

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