The average English speaker makes seven to twenty-two slips of the tongue each day and fails to think of the right word another two to four times according to Michael Erard, who explores verbal gaffes in his book Um.
My life validates his research.
In fourth grade, asked to read from a book called Pesky Penelope, I pronounced the heroine’s name the way it looked to me: pen-e-lope, rhymes with cantaloupe. When Mrs. Thomas corrected my pronunciation, I flushed with embarrassment while my cousin Blake laughed so raucously he fell off his chair. I still question his worth.
Then, years later in high school, I was asked to give a speech in church about one of my pioneer ancestors. As always, I discussed the topic with my mother, and she suggested I talk about her great grandmother. I read a brief, handwritten history of our plucky ancestor then wrote and memorized a speech destined to be a humdinger.
On the assigned day, I donned my Sunday best, slicked my bangs and walked to the podium radiating confidence. But when I began by describing how my mother’s great grandmother, Harriet Beecher Stowe, had carried her baby and walked across the plains from Illinois to Salt Lake City, Mom looked startled.
“Do I have bits of breakfast stuck to my teeth?” I wondered, “I brushed them, didn’t I? She’s probably surprised I came up with an attention-getting introduction by myself.”
But when I joined my family after the services, one of Mom’s best friends, a giggling Adele Evans, was saying, “Myrl, I had no idea your great grandmother wrote Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Was that before or after she crossed the plains?” Then they both laughed in an unladylike manner.
My stomach sank; my face flushed; and I earned my status as a snide teenager by thinking, “Well. I may have confused my ancestor Harriet Bradford Simmons with a famous author, but I know better than to guffaw and snort at the mistakes of others while leaving church.”
As a result of misadventures with my wayward tongue, I’m sympathetic when candidate Al Gore assures his audience, “A zebra doesn’t change its spots” or baseball manager Wes Westrum summarizes a close game, “Well, that was a cliff-dweller.”
I’m especially partial to the gaffes of President George W. Bush because he modeled an effective way to handle verbal mishaps. When asked what it was like to be raised in Midland, Texas, he responded, “It was inebriating.” Then, realizing what he’d said, he laughed at himself and repeated his blooper for the amusement of others.
I wish I had used the president’s tactic when the junior high school principal was observing my teaching for the first time and I told my students Romeo and Juliet was a great Shakespearean travesty.
Wonderful snapshots! Morning humor – another great way to start the day and the month of May.
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Thank you, Marjorie. We agree about celebrating May. Every May I think, “Hurray, hurray, the first of May.” It’s a glorious month where I live.
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Thank you for the smiles this sunny morning. I think of things like that as memories that will make me smile. It also reminds me that we are not perfect including the President of the United States. Life has a way of making us smile even if it’s years later.
Reminds me of the time I taught my two-year-old granddaughter the Peter Cotton Tail song while she was visiting for a few days. When my daughter and son-in-law came to pick her up I proudly announced that Michaella had a surprise for them. She started the song of “Here come Peter Cock – in – Tail”. We all still laugh about it to this day and Michaella is now ten years old. She still insists I told her it was cock-in-tale. ☺☺☺☺
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That is a charming story. Thank you for sharing it with me. I’ll never think of Peter Cotton Tail the same way again!
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☺☺☺
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Thanks for the mid-day bit of humor at your expense, Janet. I have made many of these and many times just said something outrageously stupid – like when told my wife that “you don’t even look pregnant, you just look a little bit fat” in an effort to cheer her up. As for the value f your cousin Blake, you might still want to keep an eye on him.
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My husband, who is a Gemini, offers me moral support in ways similar to your “you don’t look…” effort. I have a son-in-law who is a Gemini, and his sincere efforts at support to my daughter, and his children, often take on this same pattern. So I wonder, are you a Gemini too?!?!
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I am a Scorpio. I have had this “knack” all my life.
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I knew you’d understand the mind of my cousin Blake, Dan, and, I must tell you, I understand the reaction of your wife.
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Dan, when I was in my early twenties and overweight, a total stranger at a bar turned to me and said “when’s it due?” I was indignant and said loudly “I am not pregnant, I am fat!” and then felt so bloody stupid! 🙂
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I never ask about pregnancy unless I know for sure.
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Haha! 🙂
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Janet, thank you for helping me embrace my many verbal mistakes. Hoping they occasionally give someone a chuckle 😅
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I’m sure they do, Joanne, and that you chuckle at them as well. I think knowing they happen to everybody makes it easy to laugh at our own bloopers
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This is so good on so many levels, Janet! I recall a blooper in a novel I read many years ago, in which the character, reading aloud in class said “is-land” instead of “island”. It seemed hilarious to me at the time. I think the author was Lucy Maud Montgomery…the book might have been Anne of Green Gables. Isn’t it weird, the things we remember?
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Thank you, Diane. I agree that when it comes to remembering our minds are odd little critters, picking and choosing the strangest things.Sometimes the complete lyrics to a song I head in my twenties and didn’t particularly like will spring into my mind and linger way too long.
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I am so happy to read this as I though I was the only one who made these kind of mistakes. I more or less taught myself to read and so occasionally I mispronounce a word which is also embarrassing.
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Mispronunciations are so embarrassing. Sometimes I catch myself mispronouncing words I know perfectly well how to pronounce, So I am very forgiving when I hear others do so.
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I agree about Romeo and Juliet. If he’d loved her, he’d have done a better examination. One of my students had a doll of GWB. He brought it to class almost every day. At random intervals (except during exams) like when I was waiting for a student to respond to a question, he’d push a button and GWB would say something. As for me, personally, I’ve adopted stragedy because I think it’s a word that fits most of the situations in which I’ve attempted to employ a strategy. And why — if it’s Penelop-ee pig — didn’t Romeo and Juliet elo-pee? Right? It’s insane.
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It is insane, Martha, no explaining it. And thank you for increasing my vocabulary withs stragedy. I’ve adopted your word. In my life, it will be used often.
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GWB gets credit for stragedy. Very useful 😀
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Especially for his tragedies.
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Those that came about from poor planning 😀
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“I still question his worth.” By this point in your entry I was laughing so hard I nearly fell out of my chair.
As an individual who recognizes the unimportance of unimportant details in communication, I read your words with great delight.
I have never paid much attention to details that aren’t crucial to communication, or functioning, and feel very sorry for the people who are burdened with an overactive sense of propriety, and an underactive imagination, or both. This inattention to irrelevant details always came as a shock to those who required an opponent during my academic career, as although I seemed “spacey” to them, when it came to a confrontation, I had pertinent details at the ready. It was just that I knew the difference.
I enjoy people who have their priorities straight! Thanks for a great entry.
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I really liked this sentence in your comment, Maggie:”…although I seemed “spacey” to them, when it came to a confrontation, I had pertinent details at the ready. It was just that I knew the difference.” I think it summarizes a person interest and worth. I’m glad I know you.
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This gave me a chuckle this morning, do lots of public speaking and always worry about gaffes. But all you can do is laugh and carry on like your President Bush
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That is so true, Lynne, and it is what I learned to do. My principal and I shared quite a laugh over my Romeo and Juliet remark during my evaluation conference.
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I laughed aloud at this Janet. I was beginning to wonder about Harriet Beecher Stowe at well. George W. Bush did have a good way to turn the tables. You made my day.
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I thought my astute readers would begin to understand my mistake before I pointed it out to them, Kayti. Thanks for letting me know you did. Once I recovered from my snit, my mom and I laughed about it together and did so for many years.
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I’ve done this many times, and have thanked the Gods above just as often that during my dental hygiene working years, I was able to wear a mask and safety glasses. I’m not sure what’s worse: when I make a verbal mistake in front of a patient or when they do and I have difficulty hiding my amusement. Again, I appreciated having a mask. 🙂
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Now that you point it out to me, Karen, I see how a mask would be a convenient thing during many conversations.
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I think I am average too! What a great sense of humor you have-also, don’t you find it amusing when someone uses the wrong word-but somehow it can make sense? lovely post,
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I do enjoy the situation you describe, and have done so many times, but I can’t for the life of me remember an example. I’ll listen for one and let you know if I find it. Please do the same for me.
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ha! I am trying to remember-mama is a master at doing this-she will provide me an example soon enough!
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And I’m thinking I might collect one from my next door neighbor.
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I’ve learned to laugh at my own gaffes, but that took some time and experience. Thanks for sharing a truly humorous story that parallels some of my own experiences. A good chuckle!
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I’l glad you chuckled, Laurel. One good thing about getting older is that we have had the time and experience to learn so many things.
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Our shared humanity and ability to laugh at ourselves keeps refreshes me totally. Wonderful post Janet and a giggle is a good way to start the day. Thank you 🙂 Linda
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I’m glad you got a giggle, Linda. Laughing at ourselves is a unique human gift. Except when I was a teenager.
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Thanks for giving me my early morning laugh. On a positive note, at least you could tell who was listening closely to your speech in church!
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Actually. later, when I got over my hurt feeling for the way Mom and Adele laughed at me, my mother and I laughed together at the same thought you expressed.
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Firstly thank you for the smile which spread across my face as I read. My heart is warm with love and smiles now. But … thank you also for pointing out to me that I’m not the only one who’s mouth will say things my brain doesn’t think about before they pop out of my mouth. It’s good to know I’m in such wonderful company.
Sending love to you Aunt Beulah. ~ Cobs. x
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There is comfort in knowing we’re not alone when we misspeak. In fact, we’re average! I’m glad I made you smile, and I’m sending love your way as well.
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“Well, that was a cliff-dweller” — I love that one.
Thanks, Janet. You gave me some needed laughs today.
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I’m glad, Neil.
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I think I’ll have to read “Um”. These days, when the wrong word—or no word—comes to mind I tend to be fearful that it’s the beginning of dementia. But, as your post reminds us, this also happens to school children giving reports. Harriet Beecher Stowe—that’s a good one!
I wonder if this same trait of making seven to twenty-two slips of the tongue a day is true in other languages? Or is it unique to us English-speakers?
Thanks for making me smile, Janet!
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You’re welcome, Rita. And what a good question you ask. It would be interesting to know the answer. I’m betting gaffes occur in all languages, don’t you think?
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I was referred to my last year of high school as “Sex River”, in drama we had to perform a play, my character calling out a list of Alberta place-names,Calgary, Okatoks, Sexsmith and Peace River,…not hard to figure what I, in pioneer garb belted out. I love tongues of the slip, your post brought back a fond memory and made me laugh..cheers.
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That is a great story, Sheila. I can picture your mistake and the fun that resulted from it. The good thing about writing this post is the discovery that I’m in good company with people whose writing I respect when my errant tongue embarrasses me. Maybe that’s why we prefer the written word?
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OMGoodness, those are too funny. Way to go George W. That’s the way to handle it for sure. A friend in college who was high-school aged and brilliant, read in class epitome as epi-tome. It was shocking, but he was like, “I’ve never seen that word written before.” Fair enough.
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Good for him. He was brilliant.I wish I had turned toward the guffawing Blake and coldly informed him that I’d never seen the word written before. Instead, of course, I flushed with embarrassment and then pinched him at recess.
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Haha! Justice has been served! 🙂
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Janet, I’m loving the confessions of the commenters, on your post. Once, I told a friend that I’d gotten lost and took a circus route back to my hotel. Blinking, she said “did you mean circuitous route?” Well, yes, I did, but we wouldn’t have laughed so hard if I’d said it correctly.
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Aren’t they funny? I love reading comments; they always add to the discussion or provide excellent examples. Yours is another funny one, and it sounds like both you and your friend handled it with flair. Would I know this friend?
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Oh, my. I must be above average. I do at two or three hundred slips of the tongue a day. And that is on a bad day. On a good day, it is more like five hundred.
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Of course you are above average, Don. You see, you write with such precision and skill that errors have to find another avenue of escape: your mouth.
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What happened to you at church is one of my biggest fears when it comes to public speaking. The great thing is that this post is very relatable. I also find myself failing to remember words I want to use too often.
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I’m glad you related, Jeffrey, but also sorry because it means you, too, know the embarrassment of gaffes. But we should both take comfort in knowing it’s a very common condition among the populace and a source of laughter when the embarrassment subsides.
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Laugh out loud funny! Thank you
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You’re welcome; I’m glad you liked it..
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Unlike you at my blog (your comment this morning), I have learned never to take a sip of coffee when reading one of your posts.
“slicked my bangs” — perfect. Did you lick your hand before or just dry slick ’em? I was a dry slicker.
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Unfortunately, I was a greasy slicker, Maizie. I thought my Dad’s Brylcreem gave my bangs a lovely sheen.
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I have always shied away from anything resembling public speaking because I have a stutter that kicks up whenever I get up to a certain level of nervousness. Reading about your mishaps, I am glad I have kept silent.
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On more than one occasion, I should have done the same, Glynis.
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Wonderful snippets, I especially love the George W Bush one, ‘inebriating’ with his clever coverup, laughing at himself.
I bet none of the students pulled you up and shouted out tragedy.
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You are right about the students, Barbara. They probably wrote travesty in their notes.
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Your post made me laugh (and wish there was a ‘smile’ emoticon, instead of a Like button, how sad is that?) Oh yeah, I’ve had a few awkward times myself. Your first example is like mine when my dad corrected me and said, “Val, that word is not pronounced ‘Hyper Bowl’. It is Hyperbole and is Greek.” I was so embarrassed but didn’t want to let him know so I shrugged my shoulders and said I wasn’t to know it was Greek, I thought it was Latin (neither of which I knew!)
And there was a time when I thought the parliamentary ‘ayes to the right, nays to the left’ (or vice versa) was ‘Eyes to the right, neighs to the left’. Come to think about it, maybe it was. 🙂
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What funny anecdotes you shared with me, Val. I’ve been surprised and pleased by the number of readers who have confessed to their own embarrassing moments. (And I think you’re right about the parliamentary ayes and nays!) Good you hear from you as always.
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Very good post. I enjoyed this. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thank you, Suzanne; I’m glad you enjoyed it. And I appreciate your taking the time to let me know.
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